Confidence Is A Journey; Not A Destination
Confidence is the result of your efforts. You can’t wait to become a confident speaker first and perform later. You get to perform first and once you perform and practice enough, confidence comes automatically. Confidence in your communication is the result of your practice and speaking experience.
I am a spoken English coach for many years now. And I think I am very confident. How did I become so confident? Was I born with it? No. I boosted my confidence little by little, day by day, opportunity by opportunity. My father used to take me to Mumbai’s famous, Tata literature festival and Times literature festival every year. There we used to listen to many authors, artists, and performers. We, as an audience, almost always had an opportunity to ask questions to our favorite authors and artists after or during their panel discussion. There, my father always pushed me to raise my hand and ask questions to those panelists. I used to hate it sometimes. I used to be scared of standing in a hall packed with people and asking question on a mic. Forget asking questions, I used to be scared of even raising my hand asking for the mic from the volunteers. But I did anyway. And after doing it a few times, I realized that no one laughs at you (even if they do, it doesn’t matter). No one cares about your poor English (they have better things to worry about). No one gives a damn about your poor pronunciations (we are Indians and English is not our mother tongue. It’s totally OK to not know it perfectly). And the best part, the authors and artists always responded to my questions with respect irrespective of my communication skills. And learning that lesson, I never avoided any speaking opportunity because of fear. I am not saying I am not scared of public speaking. I am. But I do it anyway. And the more I do it, more confident I become.
(My father and I at Mehboob studio. Times literature festival. Some years back.)
When I took my first few sessions as a language teacher, I was so scared of my presentation and content and explanation and so many other things. But I never quit my job because of that fear and nervousness. I rather conducted the sessions anyway. And today after so many years of teaching and training, it has become very easy. Now I can conduct hours-long sessions without preparation also. Even if you wake me up in the middle of the night, I will brush my teeth, wash my face and teach you communication skills for hours and hours without preparation. It was not always like this, I got better and better at my job by doing it more and more. I focused less on perfection and more on consistency. and that’s what I want my learners to understand today. You gotta focus on the journey rather than the destination.
Let’s understand this with an example. Two friends – Aman and Hasan – want to become more confident speakers. (Assume both are at the same level now)
Both start working on their confidence and communication skills. Aman is someone who wants perfection. Aman wants some quick tips and techniques to become confident. He is waiting for the day he becomes confident and impresses everyone. He keeps dreaming of how one day he will communicate so powerfully and confidently that everyone will love him. He regularly reads blogs and watches YouTube videos on tips and tricks on becoming a confident speaker. During this learning period, he avoids speaking opportunities from his office and social circle because he thinks first he will improve his confidence and then he will soon take on speaking opportunities once he is ready.
You know what? He will never be ready.
On the other hand we have Hasan. Hasan is someone who learns by doing. Hasan says yes to even tiny opportunities he gets to speak and communicate. He enjoys the process of it. He doesn’t worry so much about his reputation. His goal is not speak without mistakes. His goal is to speak even if he’s making a few mistakes here and there. He knows this is part of the process. He knows that confidence is the result not the requirement. And because his attitude towards learning is more journey-focused and less destination-focused, he sees good results soon. He sees that his confidence increases a little every time he tries. Day after day, Hasan realizes that his communication skills are not as bad as he had imagined them to be. He realizes that his fears were over-exaggerated. He learns that learning any skills requires regular practice, feedback and the right mindset.
Both friends, Aman and Hasan see different results although they started at the same level. How did this happen? It happened because both had different lenses to view the world.
Where Aman’s attitude towards learning was perfection and goal-oriented, Hasan’s attitude was practice and process-oriented. While Aman dreamt of future successes, Hasan lived in reality and focused on improving a little every day.
It’s like Rahul Gandhi’s Bharat Jodo Yatra. The distance covered by this yatra from Kanyakumari to Kashmir was around 4,000 kilometers. This is huge. Such huge goal can scare anyone. But there is another way also to look at it. If you see 4,000 kms, it can be scary but if I tell you that you just have to walk around 25 kms daily? It becomes easier and less scary.
This is Hasan’s approach. He doesn’t worry about walking 4000 kms in 150 days. He works on walking 25 kms ever day. Similarly, what if you too, rather than dreaming of becoming a confident and fluent speaker one day, focused on practicing a little every day? You will still reach the same destination but you will enjoy the journey every day rather than dreaming of the future and the fun you will have after reaching there. Stop living in the future. See what you can do today. I don’t think of becoming a writer one day in future, I just write regularly for my learners and if I kept writing, I will be known as a writer one day anyway. Even if it’s not my goal. So, enjoy the journey, don’t dream of reaching the destination one day that may or may not come.
